There were three stranded men walking down a sandy beach on a deserted island. They walk a little ways and find a magic lamp. So they decide since they are stranded that they might as well rub it. After they rub it a genie pops out and says each one has one wish.

The first man wishes he was at home making love to his wife. POOF, he's gone

The second man wishes that he was at his favorite strip club, drinking a beer with his friends. POOF, he's gone.

The third man doesn't know what to do, so he thinks for a minute and says, "hmm, you know i really wish those two were back here to help me make my descision."

<strong><font size="3" color="#006600">Three old ladies driving to a family reunion discoverd they had a problem. All three husbands had the same name - LeRoy. The driver came up with an idea of naming their husbands after a soft drink. The other ladies thought this was a wonderful idea. <br />The driver went first and said she would name hers mountain dew, he was big as a mountain and could dew it all not long, the passenger in the front seat said "I am going to name mine after 7up, he has 7 inches and is up all night long". The third lady thought for a while and said " I am going to name mine Jim Beam" The driver looked at her and said girl, that is not a soft drink that's a hard licker, the girl in the back said "Thats my man".<br /><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.vois.com/profile/index/userid/103934/"><b>Seo India</b></a><br /></font></strong>

<div id="jokecontent"><font color="#ff9999"><strong><font face="book antiqua,palatino" size="3"> Agnes married and had 13 children. When her husband died, she married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. So Agnes remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died.<br /><br />Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, &ldquo;Lord, they&rsquo;re finally together.&rdquo;<br /><br />One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, &ldquo;Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?&rdquo; The friend replied, &ldquo;I think he means her legs.&rdquo;<br /><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.vois.com/profile/index/userid/103934/"><b>Seo India</b></a><br /></font></strong></font> </div>

<strong><font size="3" color="#ff6699">Take more<br /><br />A man walks into a sperm bank wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun, he demands that the woman at the counter "take it out". "We have no money sir, this is a sperm bank", she replies. "I don't care" says the robber, "take it out and drink it down!", he damands. Scared for her life she drinks down a sperm sample. "Do it again" the angry robber yells, and the woman complies. Taking off his mask the woman realizes it's her husband... he looks her in the eye and says "see I told you it wasn't so bad".<br /><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.vois.com/profile/index/userid/103934/"><b>Seo India</b></a><br /><br /></font></strong>

<font color="#999900"><strong><font size="2"> Once upon a wish...<br /><br />A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.<br /><br />He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a "genie". But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing an IRS ID badge and dull gray suit. There's a calculator in his pocket. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear.<br /><br />"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works". "You have three wishes."<br /><br />"I'm not falling for this." Says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS agent."<br /><br />"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and It<br />looks like you're a goner anyway!"<br /><br />The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with<br />plentiful food and drink."<br /><br />***POOF*** The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.<br /><br />"OK, kid, what's your second wish."<br /><br />"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."<br /><br />***POOF*** The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.<br /><br />"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"<br /><br />After thinking for a few minutes, the man says: "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful women will want and need me."<br /><br />***POOF*** He is turned into a tampon.<br /><br />The moral of the story?<br /><br />If the IRS offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached!<br /><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.vois.com/profile/index/userid/103934/"><b>Seo India</b></a><br /></font></strong></font>

<font color="#999900"><strong><font size="2"> Three Labrador retrievers - a brown, yellow, and black are sitting<br /> in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a<br /> conversation.<br /><br /> The black lab turns to the brown and says, "So why are you here?"<br /><br /> The brown lab replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything-the<br /> sofa, the drapes, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last<br /> night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."<br /><br /> The black lab says, "So what is the vet going to do?"<br /><br /> "Lethal injection," came the reply from the sad brown lab.<br /><br /> The black lab then turns to the yellow lab and asks, "Why are you<br /> here?"<br /><br /> The yellow lab says, " I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up<br /> flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside,<br /> I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I<br /> dug a great big hole in my owner's couch."<br /><br /> "So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired.<br /><br /> "Lethal injection," the dejected yellow lab said.<br /><br /> The yellow lab then turns to the black lab and asks what he's at<br /> the vet's office for.<br /><br /> I'm a humper," the black lab says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump<br /> the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to<br /> hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the<br /> shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't<br /> help myself I hopped on her back and started humping away."<br /><br /> The yellow and brown labs exchange a sad glance and say, "So,<br /> lethal injection for you too, huh?"<br /><br /> The black lab says, "No, no, I'm here to get my nails clipped."<br /><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.vois.com/profile/index/userid/103934/"><b>Seo India</b></a><br /></font></strong></font>

<font color="#0099ff"><strong><font size="2">One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." <br /><br />"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor." <br /><br />So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. <br /><br />That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. <br /><br />The computer prints the following: <br /><br />1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. <br />2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. <br />3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. <br />4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. <br />5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.<br /><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.vois.com/profile/index/userid/103934/"><b>Seo India</b></a><br /></font></strong></font>

<strong><font><strong><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="3"> Three dogs</font></strong></font></strong><br /><font color="#cc9933"><strong><font size="2"><br />It was a dismal day, and at the local vets surgery three dogs were discussing why they were there.<br /><br />The first dog (a poodle) told the other two that he had chewed the master's favorite slippers once too often , and was going to be put to sleep for the deed.<br /><br />The second dog (a Yorkshire terrier) told a similar story about a new suite of furniture. He too was to be put to sleep.<br /><br />"What about you, what's your story?" said the poodle to the third dog, which happened to be a very large German Shepherd .<br /><br />The German Shepherd proceeded to tell his story.<br /><br />"My story starts when my pretty young mistress was taking a shower with the bathroom door open, and on seeing her in this state of undress, I barked very loudly. Startled, she then dropped the soap, and bent down to pick it up. Well, I don't know what came over me, but I could not control my sexual urges."<br /><br />"I suppose you are going to be destroyed?" said the poodle.<br /><br />"No" said the german Shepard. "I am in to have my claws clipped!"<br /><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.vois.com/profile/index/userid/103934/"><b>Seo India</b></a><br /></font></strong></font>

<strong><font><strong><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="3"> Biggest Peepee</font></strong></font></strong><br /><font color="#660099"><strong><font size="2"><br />There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying to think of games to play at recess when the Asian boy got an idea. "I know," he said, "we can play, 'Who's got the Biggest Pee Pee'". "How do you play that?" asked the redneck. "It's easy'' said the Spanish boy, "we can play it next recess."<br /><br />So when recess time came, the three boys went outside. "Alright," said the Spanish boy, "Lets play." The Asian boy explained that all you have to do is pull down your pants and whoever has the biggest pee pee is the winner. And so the Asian boy pulled down his pants and the other two boys were impressed. Then the Spanish boy pulled down his pants. His pee pee was about the same size as the Asian boy's. As the redneck boy pulled his pants down, the other two boys stared in awe. "You win for sure," they both said. <br /><br />Later that day the redneck boy went home and his mother asked him, "So did you make any new friends today?" <br /><br />"Yup. I played this game called 'Who's Got the Biggest Pee Pee' and the other boys said I won because I'm a redneck." <br /><br />His mother laughed and replied, "No sweetie, you won because you're 23."<br /><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.vois.com/profile/index/userid/103934/"><b>Seo India</b></a><br /></font></strong></font>

<strong><font><strong><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="3"> The Anniversary<br /><font size="2" color="#330099"><br /></font></font></strong></font><font size="2" color="#330099"> An old couple were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary in the diner where they had their first date. <br /><br />The wife says to her husband "do you remember when we came here all those years ago?" <br /><br />"Yes" he relpies "and we went out to the alley way and had sex."<br /><br /> "Yes" she says "do you want to do it again?"<br /><br /> "O.K." he replies so they finish their meal and go out round the back of the diner.<br /><br />He pushes her against the fence and lifts her skirt up and starts going at it like a wild one. A young man stops to watch. He is amazed to see how the old man can still go for it at his age. After 45 mins they finish and the wife returns to the diner. <br /><br />The young man says, "How did you keep it goin for 45 minutes at your age? I hope I can do that when I am 80!" <br /><br />"Well" says the old man, "50 years ago that fence wasn't electrified!"<br /><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.vois.com/profile/index/userid/103934/"><b>Seo India</b></a><br /></font></strong>

<font size="2" color="#ff99cc"><strong> A man and woman begin to smoke after sex and the man says 'My wife would kill me if she saw me now'<br />'Why?' the woman replies 'because you had sex with another woman?'<br /><br />'No...' says the man '...because I quit smoking last week'<br /><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.vois.com/profile/index/userid/103934/"><b>Seo India</b></a><br /></strong></font>

<strong><font><strong><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="3"> 3 Women<br /><br /></font></strong></font></strong><div id="jokecontent"><font color="#66cc99"><strong><font face="comic sans ms,sand" size="2"> There are three women , the first one goes to the doctor for a checkup and takes her shirt off. The doctor notices an imprint of an H on her chest and says " Why is there an H on your chest?" and the girl says, "becasue my boyfriend goes to Harvard and he likes to wear his sweater when we have sex. So then the second girl comes up and takes her shirt off and she has an imprint of a Y on her chest, so the doctor says " Why do you have an imprint of a Y on your chest?" and she says "because my boyfriend goes to Yale and he likes to wear his sweater when we have sex. So then the last girl comes up and takes her shirt off and the doctor says " you have an imprint of a M on your chest, Let me guess, your bofriend goes to Michigan?" And she says "no,but my girlfriend goes to Wisconsin<br /><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.vois.com/profile/index/userid/103934/"><b>Seo India</b></a><br /></font></strong></font> </div> <br />

<strong><font><strong><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="3"> Waterbed Virgin<br /><br /></font></strong></font><font face="trebuchet ms,geneva" size="2" color="#cc66cc"> What do you call a virgin on a waterbed? A Cherry Float<br /><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.vois.com/profile/index/userid/103934/"><b>Seo India</b></a><br /></font></strong>

Indian joke<br /><br /><br /><font color="#006633"><strong><font face="comic sans ms,sand" size="3">Santa & Banta were fighting after exam.<br />Sir: Y r u fighting?<br /><br />Santa : This fool left the answer sheet blank,<br />Sir: So what?<br /><br />Santa: Even I did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.<br /><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.vois.com/profile/index/userid/103934/"><b>Seo India</b></a><br /><br /></font></strong></font>

<font size="5">Rakhi Sawant</font><br /><br /><font size="2" color="#ff6666"><strong><br />Reporter to Rakhee Sawant:<br />rakheeji aapka qualification kya hai ?<br /><br />Raakhee only Smiles<br /><br />Reporter: Nahin, batayena aapka qualification kya hai.<br /><br />Rakhee: again smiles widely :)<br /><br />Reportaer: Bataayina, aapne kuch to course vagaire kyaa rahega atleast !<br /><br />Rakhee: Haa, Vaise Chota mota Inter course kiya hai.<br /><br /><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.vois.com/profile/index/userid/103934/"><b>Seo India</b></a><br /><br /></strong></font>

An American, Japanese, and a Sardar were sitting in the sauna.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American
Pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped.

The others looked at him questioningly. "That's my
pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted
his palm to his ear.

When he finished he explained, "That's my mobile
phone.

I have a microchip in my hand. The Sardar felt
Low-tech and inferior.

He didn't know what to do to be as impressive as the
American & the Japanese. He decided to take a break in the toilet.

When he returned, he didn't realize that there was a
piece of toilet paper

got stuck and hanging from his backside.

The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow!
What's that?"

Instead of being embarrassed, inspiration struck his
mind.

God & Gujarati

 
A Gujju having no child, no money, no home, a blind mother, prays to

God. God happy with his prays, grants him only one wish!

 

Gujju: I want my mother to see my wife putting Diamond bangles on my

Child\'s hands in our new mansion!
 

God:    Damn; I still have a lot to learn from these Gujjus.

good

new

good one